A normally, sad event, for me it was an uplifting and extremely touching experience.

Why?

The eulogy was delivered as a compelling story, a joyful narrative that wove the man’s history and life experiences together into an engrossing tale of adventure and love.

The essence of the man as I knew him was captured in both the eulogy as well as in what people came up to the microphone and said about him afterwards….

For example:

• His children’s high school coach came up to say how much the family had positively impacted the new high school through the kids’ excellent sportsmanship and the family’s support of athletics.

• One of his employees shared how generous the man had been with him, really impacting his life in a positive way by giving him a chance and believing in him.

• Another came up to say that the departed was like a father to him.

• Others shared how much they enjoyed camping and boating with the man and his family.

….And the list went on. The room was overflowing with love and admiration for this gentleman.

What touched me was the wonderful legacy he left behind. I felt that he truly was there, his presence and impact felt by everyone in the room, especially by his beloved wife, children and their families.

This gentleman knew who he was, and what he was in the world to do. He used his particular gifts – in his case, extraordinary presence, lightness and a caring spirit that made you feel like the center of the universe when he listened to you – to make the world a better place. I had the sense, though he didn’t tell me this, that he had accomplished what he wanted to in his life.

I found myself feeling that I would like to feel this way about my life when I get to the end of it.

Like, I’ve lived well, making choices consistently that allow me to use my particular gifts to make the world a better place. To have a memorial service where I am remembered so fondly by loved ones and colleagues. As I sat in the mortuary, I found myself wondering what people would say about me, how they would describe my life and the impact I had had on them.

I left the service glad to have witnessed it, having paid my respects to the departed and his wonderful wife and family. I left also with a renewed sense of my purpose in life, and the realization that we truly don’t know how much time we have, so we best not waste it.

I imagine that others in the room had similar thoughts.

Why am I telling you this?

Because the incident reminded me of a common human experience I see a lot in my coaching work (and my life).

It can be so easy for us to get caught up in the pressures and challenges that everyday life presents. It can be tempting to get lost in the now and forget that we have the opportunity – and as I think about it, the obligation – to let our light shine as brightly as it can throughout our days.

To me, “letting our light shine” means that we discover our special gifts, talents, passions and values and live from that place.

There is a coaching exercise I use that has you imagine that you are at the end of your life, looking backwards over all that you have done and experienced. From that perspective, the particular situation you find yourself in in this moment – which can feel prickly, untenable and perhaps even the end of the world right now – often shifts in importance and the path through the current difficulty becomes clear.

This visualization is an effective way to look at the choices you are making in your life now, determine where you most want to head in your life and make the decisions now to support that end result.

If this idea intrigues you, consider doing this reflection exercise for yourself:

Prep:

• Find a comfortable, peaceful, quiet spot where you can shut the world out. Turn off and close out any distractions that may get in your way.
• Close your eyes and take 10 deep, full breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Drop all judgment as you answer these questions, tapping into your creativity and authentic self.

Imagine that you are at the end of your life and that you are looking back on the experiences and choices you have made. Drawing on the wisdom of your future self, ponder the following questions over several minutes:

1. What adjectives describe who I am now (at the end of life), at my core?
2. What am I most proud of? What is the best part of my life now?
3. What have I let go of?
4. What is the one regret I don’t have?
5. What would have happened if I hadn’t taken that chance to _____________ (fill in blank)?

Now, open your eyes and make some notes about what you learned from your future self. Put those notes in a place you can refer to them regularly.

What a powerful way to connect with your internal compass for your life!

You can use it to course-correct where you are headed to make sure it is where you want to go, so you can live the life you truly want to live…

….And ultimately be remembered for having shared your gifts in a compelling, sustainable way. Making your lasting mark on the world.

I would love to hear your comments.

“Mommy, for my birthday party, I want it to be princesses.”

Shocked, I held my breath for a moment.

I could not believe those words had come out of my toddler’s mouth.

“Okayyyyyy…” I mumbled. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Some context: Our almost 4-year old daughter has never before shown any interest in princesses. We don’t watch Disney princess movies and she doesn’t even know the characters’ names.

…But I sure do:  Belle, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine, Snow White, etc….

Rather, she LOVES trains…and cars. Her favorite “people” are Thomas the Train and Lightning McQueen. She has loads of trains in her play room, on her bedding and on her clothes. She watches train movies and knows all the main characters by heart. A couple years ago, when we went to actually ride Thomas the Train, you would have thought we were meeting a rock star. I can still hear her screams.

So, you can imagine my surprise when the princess idea surfaced.

Being a supportive parent, I went along with it.

However, a niggling sense of doubt lingered in my mind. I didn’t have a problem with her choice; it just didn’t jive with what I know about her and her interests. I wondered if her choosing a very feminine party theme was a bit of a “should,” like “I should be into this princess thing because other girls at school are…” or something like that.

Well, we went to the bakery and picked out the cake she wanted (princesses!). I noticed, though, that she gasped with delight when she saw the two-tiered Thomas cake in the cake design book.

Okay, just go with it, Mom.

We looked on-line at bouncy houses to reserve one for the party and again she picked a princess-themed one. It is lavender with all the Disney darlings on it.

Okay, I guess we’re really doing this.

Finally, we visited the local party store to select the invitations.

This was the real test, as there is a single birthday aisle in the store. One side of the aisle is filled with everything princess, including tiaras, fairy wings and butterflies; the other side is lined with Mickey Mouse, Thomas and Lightning McQueen-themed items.

So, what happened?

My daughter went like a bee to honey for the Thomas stuff. In fact, she wouldn’t even turn around to look at the princess side of the aisle. She was transfixed by the Thomas goody bags, invitations and favors.

That’s my girl!

In a quiet voice, I asked her if she still wanted to have a princess party.

“No” was her immediate reply.

“Do you want to have a Thomas party instead?” I asked softly, with no judgment, only curiosity.

“Yes! I do!” was the delighted response. She sounded relieved, like she had found her center again.

Why am I telling you this?

Because my daughter’s experience reminds me of what I notice can happen to professionals searching for their next career step. It can be easy to identify what you feel you “should” be doing, be interested in, or be striving towards, because it “makes sense” or is logical based on your background or what others expect of you.

It is important to notice this when it happens.

Breakthroughs occur when you listen to what your inner compass is telling you, when you notice what you are truly drawn to, regardless of what feels like the answer or path you “should” take.

There’s even a saying, “Don’t should on yourself.” I love that.

The professionals I meet and the clients I coach who are happiest in their careers are those who listen to their gut about what they are interested in and take direction from within themselves. Who certainly notice what is going on in the world around them and take as information what career options seem like the logical choice based on what they’ve done, studied or been expected to do in the past, but who ultimately make their own decisions based on what suits them now, what is most interesting and compelling and connected to their heart-space.

So, if you are feeling a bit pigeon-holed now into a career or position that you feel doesn’t suit your true nature, interests and values, consider the idea that you may be “should-ing” on yourself.

The message can come in various forms:

• I’ve been in this industry (or role) for so long I can’t possibly make a change now.
• I can’t go back to school now, I’m too old.
• I don’t want to start over at the bottom rung of the ladder.

All these messages have their origin in “should.” Like my daughter, you may be secretly craving one thing in your heart while thinking another with your mind.

I invite you to dig deeper, listen to your gut and see where it takes you.

Whatever the result, you’ll be happy you did.

I would love to hear your comments on this. Please share below.

Is it possible?

That’s the question people keep asking me.

It comes in various forms, such as:

Is it possible:

• To have flexibility and still be paid well for work I love?
• To land a good job after the age X?
• To find a job that supports my dreams for my life?

I get these types of questions all the time…especially lately.

The answer that immediately comes to me is:

It is ABSOLUTELY possible, if you believe it is.

You see, it depends on you….

It is so easy to focus on all that is going badly in the world. It can be tempting to deduce from what we see around us that we better just take what we can get, compromise on what we want and be grateful for what we have.

To live in a contracted state, which can feel safe…

…but also stifling.

Coming from that place of fear can keep us where we are and not where we want to be. Staying in a place that six months from now we kick ourselves and say, “I can’t believe I’m still here, not doing what I really want to do, not making the contribution I want to make.”

And yet:

There is evidence of success and transformation all around us, if we choose to see it.

There are people out there doing remarkable things, transforming their professional situations to be ones that fill them up instead of wear them down.

People who are:

• Changing jobs to new companies with missions they can really believe in, working in environments where they feel heard, recognized and where they can bring their best self to bear to solve problems that interest them and feel truly impactful.
• Transitioning into new roles in their same companies that suit them better, allow them to use their favorite skills and focus on business problems that interest them.
• Starting entrepreneurial enterprises – yes, now, in this economy – and flourishing. Thriving and growing because they have tapped into something in themselves that they really care about, have gathered a tribe of people who care about that same thing, and have surrounded themselves with a team equipped to help bring their vision to be.

These professionals are moving forward despite their fears, thinking and acting with innovation and joy, believing in their dreams and making them their reality, step by step. Taking baby steps and big leaps, persevering when they get discouraged, and never giving up on their dreams, even in tough times.

Getting the support and drawing on the resources they need to help them do this, to believe in themselves even when it feels impossible to carry forward.

The bottom line:  It’s an internal game.

The answer to the question “Is it possible?” is really:

“Do you believe that it is?”

If yes, then it is possible.

If not, then it certainly is not.

I’m wondering:

What do you believe?

Please share below.

I’m loving this video blogging thing!

Last night, I watched the finale.

Unlike prior seasons, this time popular previous contestants were invited back to compete in an all-star round for some outrageously good prizes.
While usually the winner walks away with $100K, this season’s winner received a LOT more. The package was crafted to transform the designer’s life, making his fashion dreams come true.

The winner received:

• A special boutique within Neiman Marcus to sell his merchandise
• A photo spread in Marie Claire magazine and a position as a guest editor for one year
• $100K in technology and office space to grow his business
• A sewing and embroidery studio
• $100K in cash

As the TV show host said, “That sounds like a life-changing package to me.”

Well said. Every time the rewards were mentioned, you could see the contestants’ eyes light up. The package represented an open door to the lifestyle they all craved.

Why am I telling you this?…

Because it occurs to me that imagining what our desired “prize package” includes can be a great way to get specific about what we most want for our careers and our lives.

I coach many clients who profess to not know what they really are striving for. That may be true from a “don’t-have-it-in-words” standpoint, but they know what they want it to feel like.

(Spoiler alert) Mondo, the designer who won, will surely find life to be far easier and more enjoyable by having his own sewing studio. And, he and his fellow finalists practically drooled on the Marie Claire editor’s desk when they talked about how the winner will serve as a guest editor at the magazine. I guess interpreting fashion trends for readers is a fashion designers’ idea of a dream job.

So I’m wondering: what does your prize package look like?

Regardless of how fuzzy you feel your ultimate career and life goals are, fantasizing about what would be wonderful to have as elements of your life is an essential step in making dreams come true happen.

If you are intrigued, consider the following exercise:

1. Find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably.
2. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
3. Imagine that you have just won a life-changing prize.
4. Make a list of what the prize package includes.

Note: Try to look past a monetary prize, delving deeper to identify what aspects of your life and career will change as a result of having increased resources available to you.

When I do this reflection, I come up with several items, including:

• The flexibility to have time to myself to think, write and create new programs.
• A membership to an exceptional health club near my home that offers many dance classes and where I can get personal training assistance to keep me on-track towards my goals.
• A team of smart, responsive professionals who believe in me and support me in my business in the areas of technology, administrative, marketing, mentoring and finances so that I can focus my energy on creating, speaking, writing and working with my clients.

This list gives me clues about what I can shift, right now, to have more of what I want in my life.

Bottom line: You don’t need to have it all figured out to start towards your dreams AND you know more than you think you do about what you want and how to start getting it.

So, what’s included your prize package? Please share below.

P.S. If you want a glimpse of what it feels like to win the biggest prize a person can imagine, watch Mondo reflect about winning the competition and what it means to him.

High on the mountain at Heavenly Ski Resort, we shushed through fresh powder, recovering our ski legs after a five-year absence from the sport.

After a while though, the weather took a turn for the worse. The visibility diminished as snow flurries and wind increased. I was reminded of that scene in Forrest Gump when he says that it felt like the rain came sideways and even from underneath. That’s what it felt like….

Plus, it was mind-numbingly cold. I was wearing two layers of everything: socks, gloves, pants, and multiple jackets. I was even sporting two hats, ear warmers and a scarf. You could say I was bundled up.

Heavenly is perched on the border of California and Nevada and there are trails that let you traverse from one side to another. There is a catch though in that you must get back to your side to take the gondola back down to the base before closing time or else you’re up a creek.

We started on the Nevada side, skied over to California for a bit and then started the journey back. Working against time, we consulted our map to plan the runs and lifts needed to return to our gondola in time.

After a while, we found ourselves in a place not on the map. We stood in front of a sign identifying a Black Diamond run not listed anywhere. We had scooted off a chair lift and down an incline to get to what we thought was the way down to the next chairlift in steps to get home.

We were wrong.

We found ourselves, in almost whiteout conditions, at the top of an ungroomed run with a menacing sign saying “Unmarked obstacles. Advanced skiers only.”

…And with no other way to go but through this minefield of heavy snow and moguls.

Yikes.

We were tired, cold, hungry and ready to quit for the day.

And now we faced the biggest challenge of the day….

Plus, we were time-constrained.

I felt the fear, frustration and fatigue surge through my body. (Insert your favorite expletive here).

My next thought was, “Well, if you have to eat a frog, best not to sit and look at it too long.”

That goaded me to turn my tips over the edge and get started. Slowly, we picked our way down the steep slope.

When I’m tired, I know that the way through is to over exaggerate my movements and use excellent form. So, I relaxed my body, bent my knees and arched forward over my skis, leaning down into the hill. The visibility was nil so it was a bit like skiing by braille. My knees took the brunt of the unexpected bumps and turns. I disciplined my brain to not go into a fearful place but to practice good technique and just take it one mogul at a time.

Working this way, we slowly made our way down the mountain, eventually arriving at a lift where we could get some directions to help us get back on track to our gondola.

Why am I telling you this?

Because this situation reminds me of how it can feel when we are trying to make positive change in our lives and we hit what can feel like insurmountable obstacles.

We all have times when it just feels like too much, when our prevailing thoughts are:
•    I just want to quit
•    I can’t take it anymore
•    It’s not worth it to persevere
•    I can’t do it

For me, the imagery of skiing down a mountain is a useful one to conjure in this moment. When you are skiing and find yourself stuck, you must persevere. Even if you simply take off your skis and walk, you can’t quit mid-mountain. As scary as this can feel when you are at the top of a precipice, there is something comforting about this reality.

You simply stop, catch your (labored) breath, shore up your form, and continue.

Even in white-out conditions, you simply point your tips down the mountain and go.

At Heavenly, when we got to the bottom relief swept over me. The idea that we could make it through such a tough situation made me proud and satisfied. Although it hadn’t been a fun experience, that ungroomed, Diamond-rated run was a good test.

And we had prevailed.

There is something about adversity that, when met, can build strength. Especially when you doubt yourself. Facing fears and overcoming obstacles can be such a game-changer. Normally, the obstacles we face are all in our heads… and when we can persevere in spite of those challenges, it can strengthen our resolve in a fundamental way.

For me, the image of skiing down the mountain works to help me strengthen my resolve in a challenging moment.

I’m wondering:

•    What imagery, thoughts or beliefs can you conjure to strengthen your resolve when you find yourself feeling like you want to give up?
•    How does summoning this thought or picture in that moment change the way you feel and make you feel it’s possible to continue on in your journey towards what you most want for your life?

Please share your thoughts here.

P.S. If you like pictures like I do, here’s the clip of Forrest Gump in the rain in Vietnam. This is kind of what my skiing experience was like, only colder.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3eLJdb2ZN4

For me, when in a tropical climate there is nothing quite as refreshing as lowering yourself into a cool, Emerald-hued pool of water next to a cascading waterfall. Surrounded by lush greenery and the distant roar of the sparkling ocean, the experience is a moment of pure bliss.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I find this idyllic picture to be a useful image to conjure when I want to stay in a positive state of mind, believe in myself and my ability to enjoy a successful, joyous and fulfilled life….

….When I want to continue to say YES to the opportunities that surround me for success and happiness in my life.

It can be so easy to reside in a place of negativity and NO.

In fact, we are surrounded by situations throughout our day that can feel quite negative such as:

• Not having enough time to accomplish all we have planned for a single day and having to make hard decisions about our priorities
• Having to say No to our children when they are whining, asking for something that is unreasonable or that we know as parents will not serve them
• Getting criticized at work for a project that is behind schedule or a judgment call we made that led to unfortunate consequences

…And I could go on.

Further, many of the No’s come from within us. For example, we may feel that:

• we are not good enough, attractive enough, young enough or smart enough
• we have made poor decisions in the past
• …Or that things just are not going to happen for us.

It can feel pretty discouraging to live in a world full of No’s.

Fostering a sense YES is the antidote. Choosing to dwell in the place of inspiration, affirmation and positive thinking is transformational. It opens doors.

It also takes practice and discipline to make it habit.

Napoleon Hill says in his ground-breaking book Think and Grow Rich that, “Each of us is what we are because of the dominating thoughts we permit to occupy our minds.”

If this is accurate, then if we want our dreams to come true, we need to deliberately plant thoughts of possibility, growth, discovery and achievement in our minds. It becomes essential to keep these affirmative thoughts top of consciousness as continual reminders of what we most want.

How might we do this?

Here are a few practices that can help:

• Craft a vision board, collage or journal of images and words that reflect your dreams for your life and then place it somewhere where you see it every day, several times per day.
• Post a sign that outlines your goals – including timeframes – somewhere visible and then read the goals out loud twice a day, when you get up in the morning and when you retire at night.
• Create a meditative practice that you engage in each day for a quiet moment. You can do traditional meditation or read a few pages from an inspiring book.

From what I’ve seen, success really is an inner game. What you focus on, you get. So it’s pragmatic to spend your time focusing on what you most want to manifest in your life.

Find a way to do that everyday, and watch the magic happen.

I would love to hear one way you stay in YES energy in your life. Please share your comments by clicking here.

P.S. I can’t believe the sheer quantity of videos available on You Tube. I searched for “Oheo Gulch” which is official name of the Seven Sacred Pools and found scores of vacation videos. Here is one that matches how I remember the place: watch it here.

My 2 ½ year old son likes it too. In fact, he likes it so much he wanted to play with it the other day.

I was at a café with a friend having a chat while my son was playing happily along with his Matchbox cars at the table. After a while, though, he got bored and was looking for something to do.

He spotted my bracelet and wanted it. As I chatted with my friend, I thought, okay, I’ll let him hold it for a moment.

Big mistake.

As I slipped the bracelet off my wrist and gave it to him, a small voice inside my head said this could be a bad idea.

It was…

He immediately started stretching the bracelet, marveling in how it got bigger and smaller like a rubber band.

And then, suddenly, it broke.

Beads flew everywhere, skittering across the ground of the café, under tables and chairs and peoples’ feet. One bead made it all the way to the exit door.

As I scrambled around picking up the pieces, I panicked a bit, feeling ashamed that I had let this happen and that I would have to ask our nanny to fix the beautiful gift she had given me after just three days of wear.

And then, suddenly, I came back into myself, making the conscious decision not to stress. This was, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. I picked up the beads I could find and then asked the café owner to keep an eye out for any additional ones that turned up. I put the salvaged in a bag and went back to visiting with my friend.

Why am I telling you this?

Because the bracelet incident reminds me of an image I conjure when thinking about my life. (I tend to think in pictures.)

The image is of a juggler in a circus act, balancing multiple balls as they spin around, each ball representing some element of life. The juggler manages to keep three balls in play nicely, and then someone off to the side who you can’t see throws in an additional ball to the mix. The juggler gets a little off-kilter for a minute, eventually absorbing the impact of the new ball, and then there are four spinning around….And then a fifth gets added, etc. You get the idea.

At some point, there are simply going to be too many balls to manage. When that happens, one or more of the balls are going to drop to the ground.

In my image, some of the balls are made of rubber, while others are made of glass. The trick is to figure which ones will bounce and which ones will break if you drop them.

In this instance, while I didn’t like that my son had broken my special bracelet, it was definitely a rubber ball moment. My nanny could fix it, and in fact she did very easily, this time threading the beads onto a stronger string. In the grand scheme, this was NOT a big deal, though it felt like it in the moment when the beads flew everywhere.

There are other aspects of life that represent balls made of glass. Those are the ones to pay special attention to, to make sure they don’t fall and get broken.

For me, this way of thinking helps me prioritize and deal with crises – even small ones that irk me like this one did – with calm and clarity.

If you like the sound of this, consider the following experiment the next time you find yourself in a situation that stresses you out:

1.  Picture the juggler.
2.  Acknowledge that a ball has fallen.
3.  Ask yourself: Is the ball glass or rubber?
4.  Notice how the energy and emotion shifts in your mind and body.

I find that most mishaps are a “rubber ball.” For me, looking at things this way releases the intensity of the emotion I’m feeling, helps me come back into myself, deal with the impact of the situation and get on with my life.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you know that I love to dance. In fact, I plan my calendar around my beloved Dance Boogie class.

Recently we’ve been working on “All That Jazz,” a number from the Broadway hit Chicago. Not my favorite hip hop fare, but there is a place for all styles of dance in this class and in my heart.

Anywho, our instructor has been working us through the fairly complicated routine for the past few weeks. “Come on babe, why don’t we paint the town…and all that jazz!”

It’s been fun and also a bit hard to master.

Okay, “master” is a bit of a stretch.

It’s been hard to remember the entire routine! It’s a long song with lots of different moves.

The instructor calls out the steps as we go but then at the end splits us unto two groups to “perform” the full dance start to finish for the other group. Yikes!

After practicing for what feels like a zillion hours, I noticed a few places where I always forgot the steps….

With the pressure of knowing I would be “performing” for my fellow classmates, I studied the moves a bit more and figured out something remarkable:  the two or three places where I always lost my footing boiled down to one single move each time, the shimmy.

So, to help me remember what to do, I crafted a little reminder for myself:

When in doubt, shimmy!

I know it sounds corny, but it worked. Ever since then, whenever I’ve found myself feeling a bit lost in that dance, I’ve just shaken my shoulders and torso and leaned forward. And it’s helped me find the rhythm again, a seamless integration into the dance.

Why am I telling you this?

Because this experience reminds me of how, when we get into times of indecision and feeling lost in our endeavors to “figure things out” in our lives and careers, it can be so valuable to have a practice we can call on to get out of our stuck place and moving again.

No, I’m not suggesting that you shimmy…

….But I am suggesting that you consider stepping back from the situation that’s got you stuck for a moment, going “to the balcony” (a tool from one of my favorite books, Leadership on the Line – Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading) and observing yourself from a distance.

Ask yourself, what’s really going on here?

Often, it’s just a prickly sense of fear.

Fear is usually a good sign…an indication that you are on the right track. If something scares you, it’s often just what you need to do to break through what’s been blocking you….

…And the good news is that it’s almost always not as scary as you imagine it will be.

Sometimes, “going to the balcony” is as simple as getting up from your seat and moving your body for a while. I find that when I get out and move, it changes my perspective and helps me get out of whatever funk I’ve fallen into.

If you like the sound of this, consider the following experiment the next time you find yourself facing what feels like a brick wall:

1. Imagine walking away from your physical self up to a balcony above you, looking down on the situation as an observer focused on the larger picture.
2. Notice the emotions coming up. What are they?
3. Ask yourself: What’s really getting in my way here?
4. Ponder what you can do to get around the obstacle facing you in this moment. Identify one small action you can take right now to move things forward. If you draw a blank, get up from your chair and take a quick walk or find another way to move for a few minutes.
5. Then, come back to your desk and notice what has shifted for you.

I find that this practice engages my creativity and allows me to move past seemingly impossible obstacles, so that I can continue to do the important work of making my dreams come true.

You can too.

I would love to hear how this resonates with you. Please share here

P.S. I’m loving YouTube. I found this dance routine from the Broadway cast of Chicago which *kind of* reminds me of what we’re doing in class, minus the men, singing, sparkles, lights and skimpy costumes of course. Squint your eyes a bit, imagine ladies in workout gear instead and you’ll get the very basic gist of my experience of dancing on Broadway. Watch it here.