Success Personified Blog

“My ladder was up the wrong wall.” – Mary, Coaching Client

If you read my last blog you know that I love silly movies. Whenever I think of ladders, I think of the scene from Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is hanging up holiday lights on his house. While standing at the top of an extending ladder, he haphazardly affixes the lights to his house with a staple gun.

Suddenly he loses his balance and the ladder veers away from the house into a tree. Fortunately he doesn’t fall to the ground; rather, he simply gives the ladder a push to get it to swing back to the house again, and continues hanging the lights.

Yes, it’s an inane reference, I know. I often think in pictures, so just stay with me for a moment and let me play through….

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I’m a sucker for silly movies. One of my favorites is “Bowfinger,” a 1999 Eddie Murphy/Steve Martin vehicle that has some ridiculously funny parts.

Murphy plays two characters, one of whom is Kit Ramsey, a big-time action movie star. He is a devotee of Mindhead, a spoof of a religious group he frequents for regular counseling and support.

In one scene he is freaking out because he thinks that people are out to get him. In actuality, Steve Martin’s character and a makeshift movie crew are filming the star in a barebones budget movie – without his knowledge.

In this particular scene, Murphy is at Mindhead, hyperventilating and trying to calm himself down. To do so, he is spelling out his name “K-I-T” and repeating “Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together” over and over again, super fast.

It’s hilarious, and makes my point for this week….

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Are you just finishing a week like I’ve had?

If I were reading a novel, I’d be riveted by all the plot twists and turns this week.

But it’s not a book. It’s my life….And sometimes it wears me out!

Every week is filled with surprises, for sure, but some are more demanding than others. I usually find that I can swing with the changes and finish the week on an even keel. Occasionally, though, the week’s events take more of a toll.

This was one of those weeks.

Without going into detail, let’s just say I faced some challenges this week including:

• Changes in approach for some key initiatives at work
• Dealing with alternative childcare and work schedules to support one-time events
• Having a bit of a hangover one morning after a night out with some girlfriends (I don’t drink much so when I do have a couple glasses of wine it knocks me over)
• Encountering some parenting challenges
• Staying up too late to accomplish the various tasks on my To Do list

None of these items, by themselves, were deal-breakers…and yet, together, they constituted a pretty staggering set of issues for me to deal with in a single week.

I’ll admit:  I had a couple of low moments, feeling a bit overwhelmed, discouraged and tired. Like I wanted to avoid dealing with some tasks on my plate and instead take a nap, watch a little TV or read a good book. I craved taking the dog for a walk or even making dinner…anything but deal with the issues at hand.

Can you relate?

We all have moments like this, when we want to run the other way rather than deal with what’s going on in our lives. It’s part of being human.

Why am I telling you this?

Because, I am pleased to say that I was able to turn it around.

To change the trajectory of the week so that it came together and I was able to keep afloat and in the end, even be inspired and motivated, feeling like I accomplished my true priorities for the week.

I haven’t always been able to do this.

But this time I did.

How?

In the height of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, rather than walking away from the challenges I faced or continuing to plug away as I had been, I kept at it….

.…But in a new way.

I changed my direction. I was approaching a work project in a particular manner that wasn’t getting me the results I needed. There was something about the way I was going about it that wasn’t working, and I took responsibility for the situation. I was able to, as Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky describe in the great book Leadership on the Line – Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading, “go to the balcony” and be an observer in my own life.

Rather than festering in my frustration, I stepped back and looked on as if outside of my own body, detached from the emotion and asking, “What do I need to do differently to solve this problem?”

I peeled back the dilemma I faced to the basics, asking myself:

• What am I trying to achieve?

• What obstacles are in my way?
• What is most important about how I solve this?

It was an effective strategy. I was able to change my approach, get back into action quickly and almost immediately see positive results from new tactics. Rather than beat myself up, I took my own advice from my Clearance Sale: Junk Aisle blog post and didn’t waste time or energy feeling badly about myself.

Instead, I just kept moving, resolved to come to a successful conclusion with the challenges I was facing.

And I did.

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This story reminds me of an inspiring quote a wonderful client of mine shared with me yesterday in an email (repeated here with permission):

“It is always so wonderful to see you and get refocused. I feel like I am walking around with water up to my ears trying to focus but getting distracted by the impending doom of work and life issues. It’s all swirling around and unclear and moving, and I am going to be pulled under. Then I see you and it’s like coming out to sit on a rock in the sun and remembering that I am OK. I have plans and I have support. The impending doom cloud is just a cloud that passes by. I see that when I choose something in my life to focus on, all becomes right sized and I have more clarity and momentum when I am accomplishing something. Thank you Merideth!” – Ann Worthington, Coaching Client

Ann’s words inspire me. We all need support to get out of our own situation for a moment and remember that the “impending doom cloud is just a cloud that passes by.” Our own stuff clouds our vision. It gets in the way. It happens for everyone, for you and me both. I have a coach too because I need help with my stuff. We all can use a moment to “sit on a rock I the sun and remember that I am OK.”

In my situation this week, I drew on my own inner resources and also reached out for help from the powerful people in my support network. I’ve surrounded myself with professionals who help me step back, “go to the balcony” to get some perspective and regroup and then go return to the fray with renewed energy, determination and success-mindedness.

By being an observer of the obstacles I encounter when going for my goals, I am not deterred by challenges but see them for what they are – temporary impediments – and am able to find a way to maneuver around them.

I’m wondering:

• How does thinking of yourself as an observer “going to the balcony” change the emotional charge you feel when you encounter obstacles?
• How can you keep this perspective top-of-mind when you are in those hot moments of frustration when plans go awry?

Please share your thoughts below.

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I’m not a go-out-for-New-Year’s-Eve kind of person. December 31^st is one holiday I prefer to stay at home.

So, you may be surprised to hear that I had a fantastic New Year’s Eve celebration.

What was so great about it?

We had a Fun-Do party.

Huh?

When my husband and I were married 18+ years ago, we received two fondue pots which, for the most part, sit idly by. I’ve often fantasized about holding a big party and serving all types of fondue from these fantastic pots.

But as the years have marched on I’ve never gotten it together to host such a shin-dig….

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I think of my mind as having aisles like at the grocery store.

Some aisles are more chock-a-block than others.

One in particular is bulging at the seams. I call it the Junk Aisle.

Lots of things in there, bits and pieces.

For example, there is a big section devoted to quotes from 80s movies.

I can recite pretty much any line from Better Off Dead:

• “I’m sorry your mom blew up Ricky!”
• ”Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.”

…or Christmas Vacation:

• “Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”
• “Then WHY is the carpet WET, Todd?” “I don’t KNOW, Margo.”

Why, you say?

Well, the quotes come in handy at parties….

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A few weeks ago, I went back in time.

I did this by attending my 25th high school reunion. Menlo-Atherton High School Class of 1986 – Go Bears!

Not everyone goes to their reunions. You may be reading this and saying, “Why would I subject myself to that? Those people are not my friends anymore.”

I totally see your viewpoint. For me, my curiosity got the best of me. This event only happens once in a lifetime and I didn’t want to regret not going later. I reasoned that I’d just go for a little while and then leave if I felt uncomfortable or bored.

My close friend who’s accompanied me to past reunions decided to skip this one. I admit, the prospect of going alone was almost a deal-breaker. I bought my ticket before losing my nerve and then furiously perused the event’s Facebook page to see who else was going to be there….

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“Can you kids just go play by yourself and leave us alone for a few minutes so your father and I can sit here and relax?”

As the phrase came out of my mouth, I was horrified to hear the message I was sending and to watch my daughter’s face fall.

Ah, stress.

I wear it like a coat this time of year.

In this instance, I was finishing a day taking care of my two toddlers on my own.


I was wiped.

The day had included, among other things…

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I’m writing today to say that I don’t have an inspirational story to share this week.

Yep, you heard me right. I’m plumb out of ideas.

I’m not sure why. Fatigue? The holidays being upon us? Preoccupation with creating my exciting upcoming programs? Who knows. Probably a little of all of the above.

The important thing is that I want you to know that I’m not over here with all the answers. I’m creating my life as I go too. I’m a professional experimenter in terms of how I’m making decisions and venturing forth in my business and in my life. I’m noodling my way along.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not random, my approach.


I have done the thought and heart work to figure out what makes me energized and happy. And I’m living that.

But within the parameters of what I know works to make my life feel fulfilling, I’m creating it as I go along. Coming up with an idea, putting it out there, gathering some feedback, tweaking and then implementing it. This is my process, my way of being a light bearer, which is how I see my role.

More and more, I’m letting go of the drive to be perfect, to get stuck in analysis-paralysis, in favor of a simpler approach that allows me to live in the creative space I crave more than in the analytical space that I have spent so much of my life in….

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I created a new superhero the other day:  Super Over-prepared Woman.

Always equipped, she brings five coats along with her for every occasion, twice as many diapers as her kids could ever use, too much food for lunches and too many pens for meetings.

Her kryptonite is showing up and not having what she needs. She is petrified of being caught unawares. For her, that’s a fate worse than death.

Organized but a bit messy, she always knows approximately where important things are, except for her keys, cell phones and kids’ sunglasses.

As she leaves for a trip, she worries out loud about gear she has forgotten to bring, listing items off to her husband or whoever will listen as she thinks of them. She sees herself doing this and knows it sounds a bit ridiculous…

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